Once
again the Church reminds us of the importance of the family by celebrating
the Feast of the Holy Family on the very first Sunday after Christmas.
If
Jesus is to be born today he must be born in the hearts of people.
He must be born especially in the hearts of the members of families
if family life, and society in general, are to be better. The presence
of Christ is the presence of love. Fear drives out love, just as love
drives out fear. Unfortunately, all too often there is violence in
families. Husbands are cruel to wives, wives sometimes are cruel to
husbands. Parents are cruel to children, children sometimes are cruel
to parents. Insecurity, another word for fear, is often at the root
of this cruelty. The father may feel his authority is being challenged
or threatened, so he asserts it by being authoritarian, the only way
he knows. Other members react cruelly in defense. One violence leads
to another kind of violence.
Very
often we do not have listening in a family because there is fear.
There may be fear of appearing weak, of losing face or authority,
or of being refused or punished. This fear leads one to want to control
by threat or violence so that the other person then becomes afraid.
If, on the other hand, there is honest listening there will be a realization
that there is a fearful human being at the other side. It is very
hard, but necessary, for parents to admit their own fears and weakness
to themselves and sometimes to their children. When the other's fearfulness
and human condition is heard sympathetically fear is driven out and
love can come in.
If
we want Christ to be born in our families we should try to give each
other the most important gift of all. It does not cost much. It does
not need a wrapper. It is the most genuine sign of love. It is to
just simply listen to one another from the heart without any defensiveness.
It takes time to learn to do this. Just make a start.
Many
find that one of the best ways in which to learn to listen and to
overcome fear is through the daily practice of meditating. Just be
still and know that God is there within you and many of your fears
will vanish. This will make you a more sensitive and loving family
member.
